Tuesday, 30 June 2015

Speaking our own truth.

Something we're seemingly all very good at – or very bad at – is believing (and insisting) that what is true for us singular must be true for us plural; specifically, that our understanding of ourselves, of our own sex and gender is widely, even universally, applicable.

But... “if there's one thing I've learned (...), it's this: You can't speak for anyone else on these matters. You can't tell people who they are, what they are, why they are. One, because it's rude. Two, because most of the time you'll be wrong. This is a common mistake. Having reached an understanding (usually hard won) of who we are as individuals, and being so convinced of its correctness for ourselves, we assume that it must be correct for everyone else. It isn't.”

I'm quoting myself there, by the way, from part of a casual comment to a much earlier post (in as much as anything I write here is ever casual). Of all my many words in this blog, those are the ones I keep returning to. When we figure out who we are, define our identities and relate our truths, there's often an urgency to say what we're not, and that because we've rejected a particular narrative for ourselves, that narrative is thus fallacious and bad.

All of which usually boils down to: “You're doing gender wrong.” “You're doing your gender wrong.”

Okay, I'm not exempt from that, as I admitted in the continuation: “I feel that myself all the time writing this blog. I'm so sure I'm right, I can hardly fathom why people aren't queueing up to agree with me.”

All the same, I try not to disregard other people's understandings of themselves or to erase their identities: “Fortunately I have just enough self-control to write "some of us" rather than "all of us". In that way I can talk in general terms while leaving it for each individual reader to decide whether or not what I'm saying applies to them.”

And as I explained in another comment, to an even earlier post: “[W]hen I say we in this blog, I don't mean we all exactly. My inclusive we only includes you (the individual reader) if you say it does. I'm not trying to dismiss anyone's personal experience or self-knowledge, only to present a different view of the whole thing which they can take on board, or not.”

Indeed, I've learned far more from people who concentrate on expressing their own truth – their own unflinching, unapologetic, insightful truth – than from mean-spirited denial or "criticism" of other people's.

It's as Patrick Califia once wrote: “The best we can do is speak our own truth, make it safe for others to speak theirs, and respect our differences.”
If our truths, our narratives, align or intersect, then fine. If not, well, so they don't; that's fine too. We each have our own ways of responding to the extremely personal issues of sex and gender. And these are not mutually exclusive. Nor are they more or less valid for being more or less common.

The last time I used that Califia quote here, Kyle Jones (from Butchtastic) responded: “Not too many years ago, the subject area of gender seemed pretty simple, but now I know how complex the intersection between gender identity, sexual identity, physical presentation and preferences can be for each individual. Thank you for doing your part in continuing the conversation and speaking your truth.”

I feel the same way. So thank you to everyone else who continues the conversation and speaks their truth. As long as we remember that our truth is not necessarily true for anyone else.

Sunday, 31 May 2015


norm nörm, n a rule; a pattern; an authoritative standard; a type; the ordinary or most frequent value or state; an accepted standard of behaviour within a society; adj nor'mal according to rule; not deviating from the standard; regular, typical, ordinary; adj nor'mative of or relating to a norm; establishing a standard; prescriptive.
(source: The Chambers Dictionary, 1993, hard copy)

1: of, relating to, or determining norms or standards (normative tests);
2: conforming to or based on norms (normative behavior; normative judgments);
3: prescribing norms (normative rules of ethics; normative grammar).
(source: Merriam-Webster Online based on Collegiate Dictionary, 11th Edition, 2003)

Normative (social sciences subheading)
In the social sciences, the term “normative” (...) may also relate, in a sociological context, to the role of cultural ‘norms’; the shared values or institutions that structural functionalists regard as constitutive of the social structure and social cohesion. These values and units of socialization thus act to encourage or enforce social activity and outcomes that ought to (with respect to the norms implicit in those structures) occur, while discouraging or preventing social activity that ought not occur. That is, they promote social activity that is socially valued.
(source: Wikipedia)

— is the belief that people fall into distinct and complementary genders (man and woman) with natural roles in life. It asserts that heterosexuality is the only sexual orientation or only norm, and states that sexual and marital relations are most (or only) fitting between people of opposite sexes. Consequently, a “heteronormative” view is one that involves alignment of biological sex, sexuality, gender identity and gender roles.
(source: Wikipedia)

— refers to the establishment of heterosexuality and traditional gender roles as the norm in society. In other words, it assumes that “normal” people are by default straight and everyone else is willfully deviant. This can lead to the marginalization of and prejudice against those in the LGBT community, kinky folk, or anyone else who does not identify with traditional sexual identities or gender expression. The term was coined by social critic Michael Warner in 1991.
(source: Rationalwiki)

Gender Normative
The expectation that one’s gender identity and expression fits society’s constructions and expectations of what it means to be a girl/woman or a boy/man.
(source: HRC Foundation Welcoming Schools Project)

Why am I quoting all these definitions? I suppose because I'm tired. Heteronormativity makes me tired. Gender normativity makes me tired. Gender normative people make me tired – sometimes anyway.

Okay, I can't really complain about any individual being gender normative. Indeed, I'd explicitly support the rights of a gender normative person (supposing they needed support) to be gender normative, to present how they like, to be how they like. I just wish there weren't so very many of them. Or at least that they weren't so culturally ubiquitous. So that when I turn on the television, for instance, I wouldn't only see them, and nobody but them, hyper-normative versions of them, even enforced hyper-normative versions of them (as per the recent high heels débâcle at Cannes). I don't want to see these images, these strictly binary – exaggerated binary – images of people, and nothing but these images, all day, every day, forever.

Where's the rest of us?!

But of course that's what normativity is. It's all-pervasive, self-perpetuating, monotonous; and it makes me tired.

I think I'll go lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling.

Saturday, 18 April 2015

Sex, Gender and Feminism survey.

I should have been working this morning, but give me a survey about gender (and my relationship thereto) and I'll almost always take time out to answer it, even if I've answered a previous version of the same survey the evening before. “Sex, Gender and Feminism: a survey for men” was another one from journalist, author and feminist activist, Laurie Penny (see here for her earlier survey on masculinity), who described it as follows:

This survey is for men of all ages and backgrounds, gay and straight, trans and cis, feminist and not-feminist. I will use your answers as part of a larger project I'm working on about men and feminism. All your information will be kept confidential. This is a safe place to ask questions without being judged. I may use some of your answers for the project - if you don't want a particular thing quoted, please signal that. Answer whichever questions speak most to you, as fully as you can, and feel free to ask questions that aren't on the list. I really, really appreciate your help. Thanks! Laurie xx

No worries. And since I always like to document these things, here are my answers to her nineteen questions (in italics). Subsequent additions are given in square brackets.

1. Please give your name/pseudonym, your age, what work you do, and any other relevant information you're happy to share (e.g. marital status).
— Jonathan (twitter handle: @malefemme), 51, editor, single, genderqueer.

2. If there are any burning questions about sex, politics and gender you've always wanted to ask a feminist woman, however silly, this is your box to put them in. No judgements.
— None. There are discussions (or arguments) I might have with certain feminists if the situation arose and if I felt up to it, but you generally seem pretty sound.

3. What does 'being a man' mean to you today?
— It means nothing to me. But I'd answer your earlier question (“What does masculinity mean to you today?”) as follows: Masculinity is the set of human attributes assumed (falsely) to correlate with maleness.

4. What is the hardest thing about being a man, for you?
— Our (Western) cultural prohibitions on male femininity. Otherwise I'd probably be even more feminine than I already am, at least as regards gender expression.

5. When do you feel BEST about yourself as a man?
— I don't know what “as a man” means. I suppose “best” (about myself as a person) applies when I feel I've achieved something. Such as: finishing a long and difficult edit, and hearing (preferably second-hand) that the author(s) was (were) pleased with it; or completing a well-written (as it seems to me) blogpost. Or recently: winning a lot of games of chess this season; and scoring 158 in an official Mensa test (Cattell III B).

6. Have you ever suffered from mental health problems? How has being a man impacted your mental health?
— I was going to say “no” straight away. But, looking back (my past has been resurfacing quite a bit lately), I think “possibly” (or even “probably”) might be a better answer. I never sought any professional help though, and it's likely that culturally influenced gender-based reticence [as in “we don't talk about this stuff”] is part of the reason.

7. Do you think 'being a man' is different now compared to when you were a kid? What have been the biggest changes?
— When I was a child it was very clear to me that femininity was off limits (though I can't remember anyone actually saying so). Nowadays (leaving aside the dreary excesses of heteronormative celebrity/pop culture), there seems to be more gender freedom. At least, I'm far more inclined just to do what I like (albeit not without some restraint).

8. How do work, employment and money affect your sense of manhood? Have you ever felt like more or less of a man because of how much money you made, or how work was going?
— Work (as in achievement) is important for self-esteem – it's not good to feel useless. But I wouldn't call it my “sense of manhood”, since I don't regard those feelings as gendered. Beyond a fairly low subsistence level, I'm not all that interested in money.

9. Do you ever feel frightened of being 'weak'?
— Not really, no. I'm emotionally quite reserved, if that's what you meant at all, but I don't regard being emotional as weakness.

10. Do you believe in 'rape culture'? Are you ever confused about violence and consent? Do you think other men are confused?
— In general terms, yes; in that sexual harassment and assault are endemic in a society which perpetuates them. No and no. I don't think men are confused, rather that (some) men feel (falsely) entitled [to sex] and have the power and will to act on that. I think people mostly do things because they (feel they) can.

11. How do sex and dating affect the way you think about women? Do you ever run into problems?
— They don't. I don't date, and I've never enjoyed partnered sex enough to feel much urge to seek it out. Gender issues mostly get in the way anyway: I'm non-normatively gendered (which seems to be a problem for a lot of people) and I rarely find normatively gendered people (i.e. most people) attractive either.

12. How has sex affected the way you feel about yourself as a man? Have you ever worried about being 'creepy'?
— It hasn't. But the “creepy” question is quite pertinent. As a transvestite, I'm very interested in clothing and in how clothes fit bodies, so I look at how people are dressed quite a lot. This seems to make some people uneasy, presumably because they think the "male gaze" is inevitably sexual. So men think I'm cruising them, and women think I'm mentally undressing them or generally being creepy. As I answered in one of your earlier surveys, what I need is a big sign that says: “I'm looking at your clothes not your body. No, really!”

13. What about physical affection and care? Do you ever wish you were hugged more?
— I'm not big on physical contact or even physical closeness. I have a rather wide sense of "personal space" and don't usually like that being invaded. But a hug is sometimes nice, of course.

14. Have you ever been sexist, either by accident or on purpose? Can you talk about some of those times, and how you felt about it?
— Probably, but I can't remember any specific instances, and no one has ever told me I'm sexist or that I'm being sexist.

15. What scares you most about the way gender relations are changing right now? What excites you most? What do you hope will change more, and what do you hope will stay the same?
— Nothing about changing gender relations scares me. Gender normativity is a huge trap as far as I'm concerned, so anything that breaks it open is a good thing. What I'd most like is for gender restrictions (based on binary sex) to be eliminated altogether.

16. Are there any questions you wish you could ask women, but you don't because worry about being judged? What are they?
— No and none.

17. How does patriarchy hurt men? How has it hurt you?
— Given that patriarchy is an oppressive gender system, it hurts everyone to some degree. Patriarchal restrictions on (and assumptions of) how a man is supposed to be and act and feel (etc) have certainly hurt me and continue to do so, in that I hardly ever feel able to be completely myself.

18. Where do the greatest pressures to 'be a man' come from? Your friends, family, the media, something else?
— From the prevailing (patriarchal) culture. I always feel at least vaguely oppressed by it, even though it grants me (male) privilege to a substantial degree.

19. Is there anything I've left off this survey that I should have asked?
— Nothing I can think of right now.

Wednesday, 25 March 2015


A couple of weeks ago, Slate columnist Vanessa Vitiello Urquhart (who I've mentioned before) contacted me on Twitter: “I'm doing an article on the genderqueer community and I could really use an AMAB. Would you be up for an interview?” Of course I said yes, so she sent me a few questions by email, to which I gave considered answers. As I never like these things to go undocumented, I'm reproducing it all here (for posterity). The questions are in italics. (AMAB stands for “assigned male at birth”, by the way.)

First, what do you identify as, and why?
Genderqueer and femme. The first as a general, inclusive identity; the second because I realized I was.

Describe your presentation.
Androgynous but clearly male. I mostly wear jumpers and jeans. So while my clothes are all off the women's racks, they're not overtly women's clothes, and no one much notices – or if they do, they don't say anything. I do get a lot of comments (from random people) about my (fake) furry coats (of which I have several) but not in a gendered way. People just say things like “great coat”.

When did you start ID-ing this way? Tell me a bit about your history.
I've identified as genderqueer for a long time. Femme (which is my main identity) came later, after a lot of reading. My history is as a life-long crossdresser (we mostly use the term “transvestite” in the UK). I spent a long time trying to understand what I was doing without reference to notions of "femaleness" (which aren't correct for me; I'm not trans in that way). Eventually I realized that femme fit me very well, though I came to that sort of by reflection: by reading about butch women, and in particular Leslie Feinberg's ‘Stone Butch Blues’.

In your own words, explain what genderqueer means as if I don't know much about the topic.
I use the word at its most inclusive; i.e. someone whose gender is "queer" (non-normative) in some way, without specifying how. For me that takes the form of "inappropriate" femininity. Explaining this stuff to people who don't know much about it is difficult because, in that case, they very often haven't thought much about gender at all. In the UK, I'd probably point to someone like Eddie Izzard, though I don't know whether he's ever used the label genderqueer for himself. (He identifies as a transvestite.)

Do you know or regularly interact with other genderqueer people, either online or in real life?
I know a lot of non-binary and trans (and non-binary trans) people online. How many identify as genderqueer, I couldn't say. I hardly ever interact with them offline since our trans group packed in.

Have you/will you be pursuing any kind of medical transition?
No and no. Or at least I can't imagine I ever will.

What are your thoughts on the gender binary.
That it's a false and oppressive construct (of the patriarchy).

Those were the initial questions, which were followed up a bit:

You said that you weren't trans "in that way" (which I understood to mean that you're not in any way female identified). Are you trans in any other way? Or, do you consider yourself cis? Do you feel that there's a grey area that cis and trans don't adequately cover?

I'm not female identified, no – so, as a male person in a binary sex system, I'm not trans (in that way), I'm cis. But of course the trans umbrella covers more than that. There are significant parts of me which the binary gender system genders away from me, so on those terms I am trans. On the other hand, I regard the binary gender system as an oppressive falsehood, and from that perspective I'm not trans because the gender border (that "trans" indicates a crossing of) doesn't really exist, so there's nothing actually to cross. But that latter is a theoretical/political perspective (derived from radical feminism); of course society mostly insists that the binary gender system is real.

Yes, there are always grey areas, people who fall through the cracks in any model of sex and gender. Personally, I'm both/either cis and/or trans depending on context, but neither feels exactly right. Yes, I am a male person in a binary sex system (in as much as sex is truly binary) and receive a fair amount of male privilege thereby, but "male" never feels like an adequate description. In particular, I dislike male pronouns, ticking the “M” box on forms, etc, being put in the discrete category "male". It always rankles. But I'm not non-binary either, so I'm stuck with it. I just wish I could append a “but” to that – male, but... – and have that “but” recognized.

Also, do you (or have you at any time in your life) experienced dysphoria?

Not proper dysphoria. I experience a kind of dysphoria when I can't express myself in a gendered fashion as fully as I might like. There's a quote from Ellen Grabiner (in ‘The Femme Mystique’): “It's when you push boundaries of gender that people freak out. Could I ever be brave enough to look as butch as I sometimes feel?” Equivalently, could I ever be brave enough to look as femme as I sometimes feel? Sometimes I feel very very femme, and I can't really express that. So yes, there's dysphoria there. But it's not full on, make this stop right now dysphoria. Butch Wonders wrote about this last year and identified it as dissonance/discomfort, rather than dysphoria. It's more a drip drip drip kind of thing, though that can become very severe indeed if it's not addressed. And reaching that “very severe indeed” stage is very common in my community – or at least it was; perhaps less so now with the internet.

And there you have it.

As it turns out, Vanessa only quoted my “history” answer, using it as one of a few examples of multifarious genderqueer identities. And that's fine. Her piece, ‘What the Heck is Genderqueer?’, is intended as an introduction for people who don't know what genderqueer is or means, and I'm happy to help and be part of that – even if the proper answer is that it means all sorts of different things.

Take, for instance, a point she makes lower down: “[M]any of the terms associated with genderqueerness end up referring back to masculinity or femininity in some way, which is a bit tricky if the ideal is to move beyond the gender binary entirely.

Yes, it's tricky; it's always tricky. How do we describe our gender issues so that they make sense to other people, including ourselves? Very often we end up referencing normative notions of gender, even when we regard those as erroneous (or at least incomplete). If this seems like classic doublethink, well, okay, so it is. We're stuck in an oppressive culture that posits binary gender as the sole reality and we have to deal. For me, genderqueer is one reaction (of many) to that, a practical response, a political response, a quiet (or not-so-quiet) resistance, a way of working around the gender system, or expanding the terms of it – or simply a way of hacking out space in which to... live.

[T]he fact is that some people feel constrained by a culture that insists that they be either male or female, with all the expectations, assumptions, and stereotypes that come along with choosing one of those identities. (...) [A]ccommodating genderqueer individuals really isn’t so difficult. It comes down to listening to what they say about themselves, accepting that this is true for them, and not making a fuss about it.

Quite so.

Or as Paris Lees put it in DIVA magazine: “Don't be an asshole.

Sunday, 8 February 2015

Fourth Anniversary.

Four years blogging away now, four years yesterday. I did remember the right day this time but didn't get round to writing; I went to a gig instead.

Looking back at 2014/15: Once again, there were fewer posts than in the previous year – 13 as opposed to 14. My resolution of posting something every calendar month is still standing, if only just. The respective days in each were: 25th, 23rd, 21st, 31st, 26th, 31st, 14th, 21st, 31st, 19th & 30th, 31st, 30th – i.e. a whole load of 20s and 30s. And July was the 31st at 22:46 (a mere 1 hour 14 minutes before August). Similarly, October was the 31st at 20:52; and December, the 31st at 21:28 – half-past nine on New Year's Eve, when most people were out having New Year "fun". But that's okay. I hate that kind of standardized, compulsory fun anyway.

Stats update (2014/15): The most viewed post is still ‘In vision (3)’, which now has over 4000 views (2000+ more than any other). Overall monthly pageviews peaked at 3226 last April, but whether those are all real views or a random influx from Russian spam sites, I'm not sure. The highest referrers remain Reddit, Google and T-Central.

Rather than having a favourite post of last year, there were particular elements that gave me pleasure: the phrase repetition in ‘Andreja Pejic’ and ‘Butch blogs’; minor wordplay in ‘Underdressing’; and the precise nature of the jibe at the end of ‘Trans "vs." feminism (4)’ (which no one is likely to pick up on). Is it impossibly vain to reread your own writing and feel pleased with it? Probably it is, yes. Never mind ;)

Here's something else I like (adapted from an old feminist slogan quoted in Prof. Deborah Cameron's book, ‘The Myth of Mars and Venus’):

If being a man is natural, stop telling me how to do it.

I'm adding that to my growing list of "things to say" as and when required. In the meantime, let Year Five commence.

Friday, 30 January 2015

Radical Femme.

Radical Femme’ is a Facebook community/group/page created in April 2013 with the tagline: “How many femme groups or pages have YOU seen on Facebook? Let's put an END to femme invisibility! All things femme - right here!” Or as the founder further described it: “a femme-centered queer feminist page that welcomes femmes of all genders!

Last October/November she put out a call for new admin. When I asked what admin-ing involved, she explained that: “It mostly means loving and nurturing the page! For example - curating content (or, of course, writing original posts). And then - sharing the posts far and wide, as well as sharing the page itself in various places to get more readers/likes. If there are discussions in the post threads, it means moderating them as needed - make sure no oppressive behavior or hurtful language is being used and ban trolls as necessary.” Okay, I can do that – so I offered my services and was subsequently added to the editorial "staff".

So far I've stuck to “curating content”, posting items of possible interest and sharing them here and there. Yes, we could just post this stuff on our own "Timelines", but I think it's nicer to have a group (or page). They're the Facebook equivalent of forums, and I like forums. Instead of the insular world of FB "Friends", a forum is anybody who joins, which leads to greater diversity and, potentially, to more lively discussion. Not that there's a whole lot of discussing going on at Radical Femme at the moment (so I've not had to do any moderating as yet); people mostly just come and Like things. And as you'd expect with social media, visual content with a strong caption is the most popular – look, read, Like, (perhaps) Share, done.

Here are a few links I've "shared" to date:

What is femme anyway?’ by Iris @bossyfemme;
No Queer Girls are Queerer Than Others: Resisting Femme Invisibility’ by Jeannette Young;
Men in makeup: lawyer by day, glamour puss by night’ by Seán Faye;
Where Are All the Young Femme Lesbians? We Are Right Here!’ by Megan Evans;
Exploring Trans* Femininity with Will Brower’ by Annie Malamet;
It’s Time to Smash the Stigma Against Male-Assigned People Expressing Femininity’ by Leela Ginelle.

And a couple of quotes from those:

Femmes have theorized our own feminist understandings of femininity. We know that the construct of “femininity” is often exclusionary because it has been defined according to certain standards of white, heterosexual, middle-class, able, and cisgendered (non-trans) female bodies of a certain size and shape. For some queer people who don’t fit into these categories, identifying as femme allows us to access, reclaim, and redefine femininity on our own terms—in ways that are incredibly empowering.
— Jeannette Young.

It’s supposed to be fun: the range of style options available to men is already woefully narrow. Wouldn’t a world in which getting ready for a night out was about more than picking from a cupboard of identikit Zara shirts be more thrilling for everyone? Guys, believe me, there’s no quicker way to shake off the fog of the working week than a smoky eye and a nude lip. If you’re looking for a simple starting point, just put a bit of dark brown eyeshadow along both lash lines. Don’t you feel sultry already?
— Seán Faye.

If any of this seems interesting and/or entertaining – and especially if you identify as femme – click on the initial link above and Like us yourself :)

Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Pharmacist Baffler.

I've blogged about Andrew O'Neill before: firstly in ‘Genderpunk’, and then as part of ‘In vision (3)’. This time it's to recommend his two-part show on Radio Four about gender and sexuality, which is currently up online here. The first episode (broadcast on December 16th) has “15 days left to listen” (at time of writing), so don't wait too long before checking it out if you're going to. Maybe he or someone will bang it up on YouTube later, or maybe they won't; who knows.

In episode one, “comedian and transvestite Andrew O'Neill gives his thoughts on gender identity”; in episode two, “comedian Andrew O'Neill delves into sexual identity and homophobia”. Yes, it's comedy – or more exactly, serious topics addressed via the medium of comedy, with a few random instances thrown in of being silly (which never hurts).

The first episode was the most pertinent to me (and this blog). It's primarily about transvestism (aka pharmacist baffling) with Andrew talking/joking about language, definitions, difference, dysphoria, gender expectations, repression, secrecy, finding yourself, fear of rejection, coming out, finding a way to be yourself, and so forth. Since my way to be myself is similar to his – though far less “brazen” – a lot of what Andrew says about himself goes for me too. So I smiled and chuckled and laughed out loud when what he said was "funny because it's true"; or was funny because obliquely true, as he approached a topic from an unexpected angle; or was just funny.

Sorry, no quotes here to make you laugh. Comedy routines are best heard afresh, rather than second-hand, or after being read. And it may well be copyrighted anyway. So you must go and listen to it yourself if you want to. As another recommendation, Grayson Perry tweeted: “great prog Andrew, hilarious and not just because I recognised every single experience! Well done!” And, yes, it is all Eddie Izzard's fault.

A couple of things did jar with me a little, though, as an engaged and critical listener (i.e. as another transvestite):

Andrew seems to be rather down on our “female persona” siblings. Maybe that's a false impression caused by lack of time, in trying to get as many points across as meaningfully (and as funnily) as possible. You can hardly convey the countless nuances of transvestite (never mind trans) identities in a half-hour comedy slot. All the same, I'd argue that cross-dressing in a "female" way, trying to create a female appearance, is not necessarily sexually motivated, nor the manifestation of immature ideas of femininity. It may indicate a bigender – or, indeed, binary transgender – identity for a start; but often it's more an accommodation than anything else. The urge to present as a feminine woman, rather than a man in a dress, can't be so easily dismissed; and while it may require some complicity, that's not the same as (self-)deception. Moreover, femininity has more cultural – and hence more personal – resonance when presented in female form, which makes it more effective expressed like that, especially if it's by necessity occasional.

In the second show, I noticed an inconsistency – between “transvestites are no more likely to be gay than the rest of the population” (i.e. might be gay) and, later, “the sexuality of transvestism is an overdriven heterosexuality” (i.e. not the slightest bit gay). The second of those made me shake my head: “No, not my sexuality.” But it's always difficult, when talking largely about your own experience, not to extrapolate and generalize from that. So I'll let this one go and just scribble a note in the margin: “#NotAllTransvestites”.